| The Headache |
[Feb. 5th, 2009|01:51 pm] |
Whyyyy.
Why.
I have a headache. Not yo' mama's kind of headache. I'm talking about a stressball in the back of my head that wrapped itself around my occipital lobe and twisted it into some sort of convoluted mind fuck. My head feels heavy, like the strength of my neck can't support all of the twisted strained pieces of gray and white matter sloshing around my skull every time I turn my head.
An ache that runs from my jaw to my forehead, starting at my neck, and branching off to pulse in my mandible, and continues to creep up the back of my head, wrapping around everything but my face. This pulsing, radiating, constant pain. It's dull, but localized, and intense. Did someone bash me in the head with a two by four when I was passed out? Did I start grinding my teeth in the night?
It's been a week like this. The last time I felt this sort of pain, especially in my jaw, was when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. But when that was transpiring, I had Vicodin and Darvocet to ease me through. I have found one solution, but I can't take Tylenol and Motrin forever. It's bad for your kidneys. My grandma found that out the hard way: dialysis.
My energy is drained.
What is wrong with my body? |
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| A toast to the juxtaposition of social life and academia: |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|03:00 am] |
Here's to twenty-page papers.
Let's give some thanks for the baristas who craft the fine caffeinated beverages that kept me up for three days straight. I'd like to show some appreciation for the thesaurus I used in order to convince myself I could craft a descriptive, but not overly verbose, paper; it's too bad the book couldn't persuade my professor.
Here's to my drowning GPA.
I'm glad that I don't have feeling in my leg. Here's to nerve compression. Here's to the three-point it got me. I'd like to applaud every woman who shaves her legs whether they have feeling or not. It's an uncomfortable, awkward feeling, and I now have a deep respect for women who keep going, despite the strange tingly feeling, and the fear of cutting oneself. It's been a month now, with my numb leg. I've gotten over the fear.
Here's to the breakup.
This is a tribute to sitting on my ass, writing a paper for nineteen consecutive hours because my ex-boyfriend didn't care enough to do what he said he would.
Here's to doing what you say you will.
Here's to my ass, my honors college membership, your stale kisses, and my smooth legs. |
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| An all-nighter. |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|01:47 pm] |
Is this just something college kids do when they realize they've procrastinated on their life for too long, and need to catch up? What advantage, evolutionarily, do all-nighters have? Why do we forget to eat when we're stressed?
My studies tonight want me to answer: sympathetic nervous system.
I'm hungry. I'm tired. My brain hurts; my back hurts, and yet I still feel like I'm far, far behind.
So I'm not going to stop.
I can't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|02:33 pm] |
WHY.
When did lack of personal responsibility and accountability become en vogue?
When did daily intoxication become the norm?
I'm going back to bed... there's no reason for me to be awake today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|11:58 pm] |
Everything in my life seems mediocre.
It's hard having 9-month friends and 3-month friends. How everyone changes. For the better and the worse.
My job is mediocre. I have a mediocre time some nights of the week. I've been reading a lot.
I try to get out of the house as much as possible, but sometimes I just feel just as shitty outside these walls as I do inside them.
I'm scared about my house next year. I don't know one person I'm living with. Not one. We havent done room pick, I don't know what my rent is going to be, and I don't know if I'll have a single or a double or what floor I'll be on.
I don't know what color to paint my walls- I'm thinking a light purpley-blue. Maybe like the hex code 9999FF?####### I don't know. I want something girly, but not too girly, not too dark. No orange or yellow. No dark blues, reds, purples or greens. White is... dumb. And I need to get a comforter. And maybe a bed. I NEED MORE INFORMATION. :(
Also, if you say, "let's be friends," fucking ask me how I'm doing once in a while. Don't ignore me for weeks at a time [That wasn't directed at anyone that reads this. :)] And if I text you and say "What's up?" or "How's it going?", a polite response would be an answer + "How are you?" or "What are you doing?" or "How is your life?" MANNERS. WHY DON'T PEOPLE HAVE THEM YET.
Pet peeves:
Me: "Have a nice night!"
Idiot with no manners: "Yup."
Me: "Take it easy! :)"
Idiot: "Okay."
Me: "Have a good one! :)"
Jackass with a mother that lacks manners: "Bye."
Correct answers: "Thank you!" or "You too!"
GRAWR!!!OWIJHRWOER*HSdfnawljoh 2tWUTSYOETUHnl,.
Well I have to get up in 5 hours to work at 7 am. And this.... just stressed me out more, I think. Good try though, Bethany, good try.
Peace.♥BT |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|06:22 am] |
Also: I honestly believe my ex-boyfriend liked/likes Barack Obama more than me.
[If you make a snarky comment to this, I will kill you.] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|06:19 am] |
I hate going to family functions.
Especially if I've forgotten my meds the past few days.
And if I have to get up at 5 am for them.
And I don't have any cigarettes. :(
NOT THAT I COULD SMOKE THEM ANYWAYS BECAUSE THAT'S UNACCEPTABLE AT A FAMILY EVENT.
fuck. :(
call me/text me? thanks. =/ |
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| New Rules. |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|11:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
New rules for LaLonde's Market:
1. Do not come in after we've closed.
2. Do not forget your checkbook in your car.
3. Do not leave piles of groceries on the counter while you run to grab, "just one more thing!" [Read: seven.] They're in my way.
4. Do not write your check for some random amount. Write it for the amount due, or $20.00 over. If you don't remember the amount, ask, or look at one of the two screens provided for you, both of which will tell you the amount due.
5. Do not try to buy booze without an ID if you're under 27. Especially if you look young. Don't get pissed at me if I card you.
6. Don't get pissed at me if I don't card you. You're old. You look old. Deal with it or invest in collagen injections and hair dye.
7. Saying, "my card sometimes has a hard time scanning" does not make it any more acceptable for your credit card to be a piece of shit. Call your bank, and have it replaced. For free. Same with bridge cards [EBT/food stamp cards.]
8. Do not hand me your debit card if there is no money in your account. You will not receive cash from the ATM either, because your account is empty. Learn how to balance a checkbook.
9. Do not hand me your credit card if you are over your credit limit. Learn what your limit is. Keep track of what you buy.
10. If something doesn't scan, it isn't free, that isn't funny, and you aren't the first person to have used that line.
11. Do not use food stamps to buy the best steaks we have. You could have gotten four times as much meat, but I suppose that is part of the reason why you are using food stamps in the first place.
12. Do not make "the government is paying for it" jokes when using food stamps. No, sir: I am paying for it. Maybe you should step behind the counter... **See disclaimer, below**
13. Do not be a disgusting fuck and hit on the cashier. I am here to do work, not give you a boner. That's what the internet is for. If I say, "come back and see me," then come back and see me. If I say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested," then leave me the fuck alone.
14. Do not make me food and expect me to eat it. If it's pre-packaged: thank you. If not: sorry.
15. Do not send your children in to buy you alcohol because you are too drunk to leave your house. I cannot sell to minors.
16. Do not comment about "squishing the bread" when I put the bread on top of everything else, and leave room for you to grab the handles, WITHOUT SQUISHING THE BREAD. This is my job. Eggs below chips, chips below bread. Tomatoes on top of chips, but below bread. If you have questions regarding my bagging theory, please ask.
17. If you get more than 3 of one piece of produce [except for bananas, obviously], put them in a clear bag, provided for you in the produce section. Do not roll up to check out with a basket full of 20 potatoes, which I will need to put one by one on the scale.
18. Do not put more than one kind of produce in one bag. I will just have to take each one out with my germ-covered, money-touching hands, thus defeating one of the two purposes of the bag, and making your produce covered in dirt and saliva. You and I both know your husband doesn't wash his apples before eating them. And you kiss those filthy lips.
19. Watch your damned kids. If they start yelling and screaming, shut them up. You are the parent.
20. Do not ring the damned bell if I am standing right there. That purpose of the bell is, strangely, not to entertain you or your children, but to let me know that I have a customer to wait on, if I am not in sight. If I am there, and you ring the bell, I consider it a jack ass alarm. If your child asks nicely, let them ring the bell once per child. That's it. Because I'm nice and I like to reward good manners.
21. Do not make me count more than 20 coins.
22. Don't name-drop the owner's name thinking you'll get a discount. Unless you're family, you're tacky.
23. In the hopes that Stinky Man #1 or Stinky Man #2 may read this: take a damned shower. Have the carpets and upholstery in your home professionally cleaned. If you need help, call social services, or an at-home nurse, or a maid. You can both afford it. Don't make everyone within 20 feet of you suffer. I wish I wasn't kidding.
24. Dear Lotto Guy, Please buy your tickets, scratch them, turn them in, and leave. There is no reason to buy tickets, scratch them, turn them in, buy more, scratch them, turn them in, buy more, scratch them, turn them in, etc. for THREE HOURS. One day you lost $59. Invest in a money market account or a mutual fund. Or put your money in a CD, and get something like 4% interest!
25. I have no control over how lucky your lotto ticket is. Do not ask me for a lucky one. I will give you the next one in the strip either way. Do not guilt me into thinking I screwed up your luck.
26. Do not come in less than 5 minutes before the draw break and ask me for lotto tickets.
27. Do not be an ass. I will try very hard to be polite to you, but the entire staff and customers who saw you being an ass will mock you mercilessly once the door closes behind your stupid ass.
28. There are two correct responses to, "Have a nice day!": "Thanks!" and "You too!". Grunting, "Yup!" and "Okay!" are unacceptable, because they are rude.
29. Have a nice day!
**Disclaimer: I realize that many people need food stamps. I am not opposed to food stamps or WIC or EBT or bridge cards or whatever. However, when I see what seems to be a very capable person walk into the store and buy hundreds of dollars in steaks and overpriced stuff [because you went to LaLonde's, and didn't go to some place cheaper, didn't bring any coupons, and didn't ask for any sort of discount], it pisses me off. I am paying for those steaks/the extra $2 going into my boss's pocket. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2008|01:14 am] |
Hates: when people who would rather eavesdrop on other conversations than to have one of one's one.
Loves: girl nights in watching scary movies.
Hates: when people are your friends out of convenience.
Loves: lolcats.
Hates: when people say they're going to do this, and this, and that, and then do none of it. Especially when you make sacrifices for them to do said things.
Loves: when people I know find love/success/happiness in their lives.
Hates: being jealous.
Loves: snuggling.
Just sayin'. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2008|12:47 am] |
I just wanted you guys to know:
I dropped my iPod in the toilet about a week ago. If this ever happens to you [or if you put it through the laundry or get caught in the rain], let it dry out for about a week. The key thing to know if your iPod gets wet is DO NOT TURN IT ON until it's completely dry! I turned mine on immediately to see if it worked. That was stupid. It told me to plug it into my laptop. So I did. And then it froze, saying "Do not disconnect!" for about a year. That was frozen. On the screen. Flashing at me. Mocking me. </bitterness>. I propped it up vertically on a towel so I could check how much water was coming out. When there weren't any more water droplets or fog on the screen, I pressed the center button to turn it on. It did nothingggg. So I got this box cutter and a flat head screwdriver, and used the two to pop off the front cover. I recommend starting in the middle of one of the sides, and work your way to the corner. Yes, it takes a little while. Maybe 15 minutes, after reading this? Once you're inside the iPod there is a a little orange flat wire thing that runs between the two halves. It connects to the silver half of the iPod in the bottom left corner, I believe, of the iPod, if you're looking at the iPod if it were closed and in iPod anatomical position. You know what I'm talking about. You can gently pull out that little orange-covered metal strip in that corner area. Pull it out perpendicular to the iPod surface. This will kill the battery. Then, you can carefully put it back into that same little slot [be careful not to bend the strip!] and the iPod should turn on, just like it normally does, with your music still on it and everything. Mine went back to the Music/Photos/Videos/Extras/etc. screen.
I feel really smart right now. I just felt I should share that info with you guys.
And just so you know, I wasn't shitting and rocking out. I had my MSU hoodie on, and my iPod was in the pouch in the front, and I bent over to get a square of toilet paper, and it fell in the toilet. Let this be a lesson: always put down the toilet lid. I was just happy there wasn't any... not-water in the toilet. :) Bahaha.
I'm gonna go sync my iPod! :)
<3BT |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2008|12:40 am] |
Welllllll
It's been 2 months since I last updated, apparently.
I took my BS 111 exam on Monday [havent heard back], turned in my Ethics essay Monday [also haven't heard back on that], got a 2.0 in pathophysiology, a 2.5 on that exam. Fuck my life. That is way embarrassing. You can pretty much translate that to me not getting into the College of Nursing. And maybe that's for the best? I don't know. We'll find out, now wont we?
I have an Honors Option essay for Ethics due tomorrow by midnight and an exam in microbiology [MMG 201] tomorrow morning at 7:45. CRUEL. ugh.
My phone is currently dead. It literally broke in half. [This is not my razr- that was stolen in September. I filed a police report, there was an investigation... no dice.] So, on to phone... 3, I guess? Fuck. :( So, if you call me, I can't hear you, or see that it's you, or read your texts. Black screen + no sound = :(. It vibrates though, so if someone calls I can be like, "HI I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT IF YOU EMAIL ME OR GET ON AIM I'M THERE LOL" and I feel like an ass.
JC and I have been dating for 3.5 months now. Wow... who would have guessed?? Fate works in strange ways.... My birthday's in a week. My mom's is tomorrow. I have nothing for her, but a tired, exhausted, caffeine and nicotine addicted Bethany who is about to sleep for 36 hours straight as soon as I get home.
Everything is overwhelming me. I said goodbye to Amy and Kelly today. And Toph... once he leaves, haha. We're like... family. That tacky bumper sticker app on facebook had it right... your friends in college DO become your family. I have to say goodbye to JC tomorrow for an indefinite period of time, so that'll be hard. Man, spring break was rough but... ugh. Jeeze.
I signed a lease at Avalon Co-op!! Help me decide how I should decorate my SWEET, HUGE room! :) Seriously. I need ideas. :)
Okay back to the powerpoints and books and faggotry.
<3 BT |
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| Spring break. |
[Mar. 6th, 2008|01:22 am] |
How anticlimactic. I'm happy to not be in class [or to not feel the guilt of skipping =/], and I miss my Midland friends. Free delicious food and laundry. But other than that.... My parents expect me to act like I'm 15 going on 24. "No, you can't go out tonight. Get a job." 1906 is such a bad environment for me. I actually thought psychotic thoughts. I recognized them, though, and didn't do anything. It's just damned sad that this environment leads me to think like a god damned emotional psycho-teen. Probably because that's how my parents treat me. Meh. Just because I don't call you everyday doesn't mean I'm a piece of shit. It means I have a job and class and homework and a life. I'll call you when I have a chance to sleep/eat/breathe. I'm getting worked up just writing about this.
( Calm down, Bethany. )
And also, for your viewing pleasure, ( Pictures of my man and I. Get ready to puke at how cute we are. [Yeah they're all from facebook.] ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|09:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 135 | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  About to drown my sadness | ] |
| [ | music |
| | For Martha - The Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
I'm a jackass.
I am just a really big bitch.
And I feel bad about it. Horrible, actually.
Fate is so cruel.
I wanted it so bad, but I don't want to live in a lie. So I made the decision not to. But it hurts.
Not just me. I'm hurting other people, too. But the people that love me wouldn't want me to live a lie, and thusly, the circle of "what the fuck to do" was established. I solved it. With a mediocre resolution.
I lack:
1 brain.
1 heart
1 soul
2 common senses
1 LJ friend
Songs about breaking hearts sound so cool, but breaking hearts actually is a horrendous thing to go through for both parties, and I highly advise against it. [It's so hard to make this so dry.]
COME BACK. I MISS YOU, EVEN THOUGH I'M A BITCH. :(
Come back when you can, okay?
If you have to go, don't say goodbye
If you have to go, don't you cry
If you have to go, I will get by
Someday I'll follow you, and see you on the other side
♥B |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2007|07:09 am] |
Soooooo I'm "home". I dont know where "home" is right now? So I'm at my parent's house. How's that? And eating delicious foods constantly is AMAZING. So is driving cars. And not studying. And sleeping.
I got an espresso machine for Christmas! And I love it. :) We're like, BFFs now.
I went to KPs the other day and he gave me something to try. So far so good. *Thumbs up*.
I have recently become addicted to www.questionablecontent.net . Dont try the .com. It's like a porn search engine or something. It started to load and I closed the window really fast, and I'm pretty sure I made a face. Not that I'm like, anti-porn or anything, but unexpected porn- aughhh!! Someone told me to go to meatspin once. That was a mistake. Ugh. Apparently now there's a two girls one cup phenomenon? I havent seen it, and I dont want to, but when did our society refer to disgusting shit fetish porn in like, everyday life?? Apparently it's the next tubgirl. I cant believe I'm still talking about this.
Anyways, I'm excited for new years. Champagne? Yes please! I think for the next semester I will just keep white wine in my fridge at all times. Hahaha. Sometimes I imagine myself as like, a middle aged woman and what I'll be like. I think I'll be, like, the weird-but-cool mom that like, sits around and drinks wine before, during, and after dinner. The house where all the sleepovers happen. Sweeeeeeeeet.
This year at Christmas, I thought about when my dad told me Santa wasnt real and my mom got all pissed at him. And then I told Tara. And her dad got pissed at me. When did you all figure out Santa wasnt real? Even when I accidentally found one of Sarah's presents in our basement, I justified Santa's existence. Does that make me gullible or hopeful/cute? Awww baby Bethany.
I just saw on myspace (which i previously hadnt checked in like a month(s?) that Elizabeth Deitch got married and had a baby. Oh shit, guys, we're at the marriage and baby time of our lives!! Pass. Maybe later. CUTE baby though. :)
Erik posted this on his LJ and I read the whole thing and i was like "Yeah!! Yayayayayayaaaaa" etc. so if you give a shit/are bored: http://smokingsides.com/docs/whysmoke.html <--Why we smoke cigarettes.
Also, http://musicovery.com is sweet. You can like, find music by genre, time period, and MOOD. Oh yeah. It's good.
This post was pretty much pointless. See also: every other fucking LJ post I've ever made.
Call me while I'm in Midland or else you'll have to face the fact that you probably wont see me until March, and I'll be mad.
KTHXBI♥BT |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|04:49 am] |
PS i'm really scared about my grades.
This is how bad this semester was: I got a three point in organic chem and I'm EXCITED about it. Nothing else is posted yet.
In other news, I am totally pumped to eat lots of delicious fatty foods at home. I have already rocked the breadsticks, the potato-flake chicken, the tacos, the ice cream, the chocolate milk. hahaaaaaaa I am a fatty at heart. [And everywhere else. ;)]
I will read this post in two months and crave my own apartment.
And now: chai with a side of sleeping pills. YES.
♥BT |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|09:18 pm] |
heyyyyyy
what do you guys do to relax?
also, what do you do to get inspired to do shit that you dont wanna do? =/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2007|02:06 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | 135 east holden | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | shit on. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my brain going crazy | ] |
Note to self: do not treat friends like shit.
Article I. Whether they treat you like shit or not shall hold no bearing.
Article II. Absence of treating friends like shit shall not ensure absence of friends treating you like shit.
Article III. Do not be an asshole.
Article IV. Do not break promises.
Article V. Life is too short to be pissed at people who don't give a flying fuck about you.
Article VI. Do not be surprised if friends don't care; they are also human and have the right to change their mind about you at any time. Whether or not you did anything shal hold no bearing.
Article VII. Think about your actions and the impact they have on others.
Article VIII. Do not expect them to do the same.
Real post later, god damn could I be more stressed out? No. Also if anyone sees my damned phone, let me know. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|01:22 am] |
oh, and for the love of all that is good in the world, somebody think of a screen name for me.
Bee [something] or i dont know. something that i wouldnt feel like a jackass telling to my grandma [the sane one.] something thoughtful or bethany-like. i dont know. because if i did, i wouldnt be writing this.
kthxbi. |
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